Out of the shadows
by LadyCrow
Summary: Alone, after a wolf moon. Remus reflects on his life. Almost giving up. But there is a light in the darkness. This is a songfic.. BE WARNED :P


Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or any of the characters you may recognise from the book. All of them belong to that wonderful writer J.K Rowlings. 

The song "Out of the shadows" belong to Sarah McLachlan, I recommend you hear it while reading my widdle story.

This is my first songfic ever, please don't stone me.

This happens only a few months after James and Lily's death. 

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Out of the shadows.

Remus woke up, his head was aching as if a thousand iron heeled tap dance shoes had been riverdancing on his brain all night long. His clothes were nothing more than rags barely clinging to his body, covering only the most essential parts of his anatomy. His arms and legs ached, reminding him of the time he had been beaten up by his father when he was very young.

He slowly looked around, the weak lights of dawn had barely started kissing the horizon. He was in a deep forest, somewhere he had never been before. He lifted his head as he heard voices approaching, voices filled with rage. The cries were one and the same, repeated over and over again -We must kill the beast. –

Remus shuddered. There had been a full moon last night. Wolf moon.

He scrambled himself to his feet, in search for a place to hide from the villagers.

__

Crouching down inside a deep ravine  
Those angry cries pass quickly by, he can't be seen  
So many ways spent hiding in so many undone plans  
Forgetting what it's like to fight when no one understands

He found a calm and shadowfull spot where he rested, shrouded in the darkness provided by the surrounding trees. He felt the cold rock against his back. The steps came closer, the yells of anger more clear. He pressed himself against the rock wall, praying they wouldn't see him. Relief washed over him as they didn't spot him and started moving away from the place where he was hiding.  


  
_Close call there in the shadows  
There's a fear in the dark  
There's one out there_

Remus let out a small sigh of relief as he realised he had survived another hunt. He slowly let his body slide down until he was lying on the ground. His body was still exhausted from the night as a werewolf. He curled up and hugged his knees to his chest. Unwanted images started flowing trough his mind, forcing him to recall a past that he would rather have forgotten. Voices as those he had heard many times before, always the same words, always different faces. They would kill him, if they ever caught him in his wolf form or dressed in rags as he was now.

Dumbledore had promised he would help him. But what could the old wizard do? To the rest of the wizarding world he was nothing more than a monster.  


  
_All those memories, pain and anger, flood back one by one  
They must be just around the bend, they always come  
At night as I lay sleeping they come to me in herds  
Their lies remain, the dreams the same, it's only fleeting words_

No. He had to be fair. He had never been a monster to Lily and Peter, nor to James and Sirius. But they... they were no longer with him. James and Lily were dead, killed by Voldemort. And Sirius....

Remus' heart ached as he remembered his best friend. Sirius had betrayed them all. He had revealed the hiding place of the Potters to Voldemort. And then he had killed poor Peter when he confronted him, nothing but a diminute body part left.._  
_

  
_No one calls there in the shadows  
There's no end to the dark  
But there's one out there, no one but me...._

Remus could feel tears start washing over his cheeks. He clenched his fists as he grit his teeth. The Marauders were gone. Lily was gone. And Harry... Harry was not within his reach. Who in their sane mind would let a child in care of a werewolf? He lifted a hand to wipe away the tears that were flowing from his eyes.

How long would this torture last? How long would he have to hide himself from the world? Always afraid of harming someone when he was in his werewolf state. Never being able to let anyone come too close to him, in fear that he would hurt them.

He wondered if life at Azkaban was like this. Trapped within your own mind, tormented by your worst memories. Hollow inside. Empty. Alone.

  
  
_The hours pass so slowly, the life's slipping out of me  
No way's the right way. Is there a way out for me?  
My life's slipping out..._

The sun was starting to appear behind the forested hills, painting the landscape in reds and oranges. Remus laid still for yet another moment, still hidden in the darkness of the shadows. As the sun banished the shadows Remus could feel the warmth caressing his bare skin. Yet inside him he didn't feel comforted, there was a cold inside him that not even the warmest summer sun could warm. For a moment he concidered the idea of returning to the village and simply turn himself in. Let them have what they wanted, let his blood fall on their hands, the ultimate sacrifice. That way he would be with James, Lily and Peter.  


  
_Rising up, the night is done, and now the bright lights come   
Held back in my pitied world where everything's undone  
A cold wind blows right through me, I'm made a hollow shell  
There's nothing left, just ash remains, enrich the soil, no soul, no soul..._

Suddenly he realized he couldn't follow that wish. If he did. Who would tell Harry about The Marauders? About his father, and his mother? He realised that HE, Remus Lupin, had become the memory of a time past, of happier times. And he had to tell all those memories to Harry one day.

Lupin rised his head and looked toward the sun that shone over the landscape. For once he could feel the warmth reaching even the most hidden parts of his soul and heart.

Yes. Harry. He had to live, for Harry. For the one that was just as lonely and abandoned as he.   


  
_Close call there in the shadows  
There's an end to the dark  
'Cause there's someone out there  
Someone like me..._

Remus slowly started walking, he had no idea where he was, he couldn't find his wand. But for once the daylight didn't seem like only a burden to carry, the new day wasn't just one less to the next full moon. Maybe it wouldn't be easy. Maybe it would even be almost impossible. But he would try. Oh By God he would try.

A few kilometers away he was suddenly suprised by a owl as it threw a letter at him. In green ink stood written. "Remus Lupin". He turned the letter around, and the small smile that had been resting on his lips suddenly turned into one of joy as he read the name of one of the only people in this world that had showed him trust and sympathy when no one else would.

"Albus Dumbledore." 

  
  
_The hours pass so slowly, the life's slipping out of me  
No way's the right way, is there a way out for me  
The hours pass so slowly  
The life's slipping out of me  
Is there a way out for me?  
The hours pass so slowly  
The life's slipping out of me  
Is there a way out for me?  
There must be a way out for me..._

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Thank you all for reading. I hope you all liked it.

Any comment and review would be apreciated.


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